“You can’t drive a stick? I am judging you! I am judging you so much right now!”
The ribbing is harmless. It appears to be all in good fun. And to be sure, Jenni Gallo is laughing and smiling as she attacks my driving skills, or lack thereof. But at the same time, it’s very clear that she is genuinely proud of her stick shift talents, which she learned when she was 16 years old, and today she is more than willing to show them off with a ride in her 1970 VW Bus.
“I have just always weirdly wanted one of these. And when I was married, I was never allowed to get one. I don’t know why, but he was never interested in me getting this car, probably because it’s very impractical – clearly!”
Jenni bought the vehicle about a year ago, after the marriage ended. She purchased it sight unseen from some guy she found online in Michigan.
I climb into the passenger seat. The plan is just to drive through Wilmington’s midtown area, but once she cranks it up, and you’re hit by the faint smell of gasoline… once you realize that the bus was made before air conditioners and power steering became standard, and once you hear the loud noise of the engine (somewhere between the sound of a small plane or a large riding lawn mower), once you embrace the adventure, it really feels like you’re traveling back in time.
You see, the Bus is more than just another classic car; it has become a symbol of an era and an entire generation. It’s about peace and love. It’s about the counterculture feeling of the late 1960s and early 70s. In short, it’s about being groovy.
And Jenni fits the mold of exactly the type of person who would own such a machine. She is one part a free spirit, a woman who lives in the moment and embraces the journey, who truly believes that the world would be a better place if everyone just loved each other.
“Well, I am probably more complicated than that,” she tells me as we start puttering down the road. “Because I am also a huge planner, a type A personality, an organizer. I love structure. Like in my house, everything has its place. I have a friend who actually calls me the Regimented Hippie, because I am both of these things at the same time.”
This is a story of what happens when you build a structure but manage to still lose your foundation. It’s about the harsh reality that even if you organize and plan everything out, you’re never really in control of where the road will lead you. But it’s NOT a story of dismay. It’s about hope – the type of hope that comes with faith and is confirmed with a quick glance in the rearview mirror. Because only by seeing where you’ve been do you realize that sometimes, in order to find ourselves, in this case, to find your voice, we first have to be a little bit lost.
The Journey
Not long into our drive, Jenni and I somehow wind up in the middle of the Pine Valley Estates neighborhood. Developed between the 1950s and 1970s, many of the homes we’re passing are actually older than her VW Bus. The community streets are a huge maze that wrap around a golf course and elementary school. It is easy to lose your sense of direction here, and it’s become clear that’s exactly what we’ve done. For a while, it feels like we are just going around in circles, and neither of us knows how to get out.
The sense is all too familiar to Jenni. She remembers how bleak things were just a few short years ago.
“It was an awful period. It really sucked. I hurt a ton of people. I didn’t realize how my life, my decisions could impact so many people, people I was close to and that I love. Back then, it felt like there was a domino effect where relationship after relationship was just tumbling over.”
Here’s Jenni’s life in a nutshell: She grew up in Poughkeepsie, New York. The family moved to Apex when she was 12. After high school, she moved to Wilmington to take college courses, made a number of close friends here, but they were all one year older. So when they graduated, Jenni moved in with her sister back in Apex and finished college at NC State with a degree in communication and public speaking.
From there, life should have been simple. Things were supposed to go according to plan. From the earliest of ages, Jenni knew she was destined to be a wife and a mother. The roles were so important, so entrenched inside of her, that they already felt like part of her identity.
Sometimes the planning worked. Jenni did meet a man, fell in love, and got married. But we already told you that it would eventually end in divorce. She lost more than just a husband in the process. She lost a community. Instinctively, people take sides when a couple splits up, and for Jenni, it felt like her entire world had chosen the ex.
Her health didn’t go as planned, either. In her early 20s, she was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. And when she was married, and they were trying to start a family, well, it turns out there were issues with that, too. For a long season, Jenni’s life was stuck in a 28-day cycle. The first week was always filled with excitement and positive thoughts. The next couple of weeks were about nervousness and fear. And then in the final week… when the news she dreaded actually came true – again….
“Well, then you crash on the bathroom floor bawling in tears. That cycle went on for a long time. It was the most brutal thing I’ve ever gone through. I just knew I was supposed to be a wife and a mom. So, it was crazy for me that I failed at both.”
The details, I am sure, are different, but in a way, you can probably relate to Jenni’s story. So many of us have endured something, survived something, that was so painful, that drove us to our core, that we would never wish it on anyone else. And yet at the same time, once the storm is behind us, we strangely become grateful for it. It actually serves as a measuring stick of sorts. There was the person we were before the crisis, and then there’s the individual we realize we’re becoming once we make it through.
“Oh, gosh, looking back, that’s the period that I gained empathy and understanding for others, in a way I never would have. That’s when I learned not just that God loves me, but how much He loves me. Like, I’ve learned unconditional love in a way that I never knew before. I think I also learned who I am, without the support of the people – those dominos I lost along the way.”
Life and circumstances can take away a lot from us. They can rob us of our hopes and dreams. They can steal our titles and positions. And they can send us spiraling out of control in the direction of an identity crisis – because sometimes when you lose the things you’ve been holding on to so tightly, you no longer know who you really are. And that’s when you learn, if you’re lucky you learn, that faith has a funny way of becoming the only thing you need when it’s the only thing you’ve got.
Finding Her Voice
The key when you’re lost is just maintain forward momentum. Eventually, as Jenni and I twisted and turned around the Pine Valley neighborhood, we stumbled upon the Cameron Art Museum. Once we know where we’re at, the rest almost takes care of itself..
“I grew up singing a little bit with my sister. I have an older sister who can really sing. Do you know how if you have an older sibling who is really good at something? It becomes their thing. So you never really pursue it.”
Every crisis that rocked Jenni’s world eventually came to some resolution.
Almost a decade ago, doctors could no longer find any trace of multiple sclerosis in her body. They’ve tested it several times, and it’s never shown back up. Jenni is healed! She gives the credit to faith and prayer.
She never did have biological children of her own, but along the way on the jagged path of life, she became the primary caretaker for two teenage brothers who were living in the projects of Raleigh. They are grown now, but they remain a huge part of her life. They call her mom! And she’s become a grandparent to their babies.
And after her community took the ex’s side, Jenni would move back to Wilmington where her old college friends were waiting for her, the ones who graduated a year before her. Some of them never left town. The old friendships served as a new foundation. And one of them played a very pivotal role in Jenni finding herself again. Jenni simply calls that friend her “American Idol Mom.”
“You know those moms on American Idol who just believe in their kids, even when they maybe shouldn’t believe in them? That’s what she was for me. She kept telling me I could sing, that I needed to sing. If we went out and there was Karaoke, she’d make sure to get me on stage. One time she even talked a local band, right in the middle of their set, to have me sing a duet with them.”
The friend even persuaded Jenni to try out for her church band. She ended up being selected, and it wasn’t too long afterward that she became a worship leader. You can catch her most Sundays at Pine Valley Methodist during the 9:45 service.
And more and more often, you can catch Jenni and her secular band, The Vintage Misfits, performing around town. The group is only one year old, and the players have already changed in that time. Right now, the group is made up of Dave Villano, Brian Mortensen, and Marco Thornton. They are a cover band that plays 70s and 80s music, with a few tunes from the 90s. Listen to them once, as I did recently, and you’ll realize right away that the American Idol Mom knew exactly what she was talking about. Jenni really knows how to sing!
Things may not have gone according to plan for this Regimented Hippie, but you get a sense that they worked out exactly the way they were supposed to. Jenni is still the type A, organized planner, but she is also very much the free-spirited woman who has somehow managed to do the impossible. She’s enjoying the journey while at the same time being in love with exactly where she’s at.
“I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned a lot about who I am in the past five years… and now I love my life. It’s good. I live by the ocean. I have a lot of friends, some of them have boats which is really nice. And I have this Bus that I can load up with my friends and go to the beach on the weekends. And you know it took me a long time to get here. Three or four years ago, I was vacant. I was not okay. And it took me a very long time, and a lot of crying, and a lot of just clawing my way out… but I love my life now.”
If you’d like to see Vintage Misfits here are some of their upcoming shows
July 25 Veggie Wagon 5-7:30pm
August 11 Greenfield LakeYacht Club 9-11pm
August 14 Henry’s 5-8pm
September 27 Holiday Inn Sunspree 7-9pm
To hear a sample of the Vintage Misfits click here.
To hear Jenni’s message to women struggling to conceive, click here.